IVF Journey: Third IVF day 65

Well in the end I returned to Edinburgh for a few days at least, as my Mum preferred to whip off the band aid and try getting on with being by herself. She’s an amazing woman, my Mum.

So, although I didn’t have an appointment any more, I rocked up at the IVF clinic this morning for a blood test (known elsewhere as a beta). I explained that things were complicated because I was recently bereaved, and they squeezed me in.

The husband drove me to the hospital and came in with me, for moral support.

IVF Journey: Third IVF day 64

Well fate can have a strange idea about how things should go.

After a positive pregnancy test on Sunday I spent a day grinning to myself and feeling excited and hopeful.

And then on Monday my Dad died. It was very sudden, a complete surprise. Quick for him thankfully, but for us very unexpected.

IVF Journey: Third IVF day 62

Well this is new!

IVF Journey: Third IVF day 61

If it wasn’t a Saturday I could take a blood test today to find out if I’m pregnant. This is the equivalent day to a woman’s period being due, the day a normally fertile woman might suspect she was pregnant and take a test.

As the clinic is shut at the weekend I can’t do the blood test until next working week, but I can take a home pregnancy test. I decided to take it tomorrow. I quite like not knowing, to be honest. Just now I can hope that this cycle might work. So I’ve no problem leaving longer than technically I could.

IVF Journey: Third IVF day 60

I was at a black tie dinner last night and due to little Kipling being within me I had to stay off the booze.  I got away with it for a bit drinking some pink juice they were handing out that looked like rose wine, but it because conspicuous when I refused ‘red or white’ at the table. My friend questioned me, and I revealed all to her.

So there’s progress, I didn’t mind talking about IVF to her and answering her questions.  She was so kind and protective of my feelings, and I was interested to note that I didn’t really need that.  These days I can be matter of fact about IVF.  I could also see in her eyes how awful she felt for me, and I realised that I didn’t feel as bad myself as she felt on my behalf.  That was a bit of a revelation!

IVF Journey: Third IVF day 59

The press was all over the birth – and now christening – of HRH Prince George, and of course they have it is big news in Britain and beyond.

I wondered how I’d be when it all came to pass.

IVF Journey: Third IVF day 58

Here’s what I feel like.  I feel like yesterday I did a couple of long dives off a rib in Scotland.  Perhaps you don’t know what that feels like?  When you’re doing it, it feels great.  But afterwards a combination of the cold and the amount of heavy kit you have to wear about your person and a certain amount of exertion catches up with you.  It feels a bit like you were beaten up a few days ago.  I feel like that.  I sit at my desk and I can feel all of my muscles aching.  If I get up all my limbs will feel stiff and in the wrong place.  Sleeping hurts.  The last few days I’ve woken up and felt like I’ve been on a pile of bricks, under a pile of bricks.  A couple of times I’ve done some sort of strenuous activity (picking up my phone, putting my coat on) and felt like I’ve got cramp or pulled a muscle.

IVF Journey: Third IVF day 57

The husband had some more things to say today…

Being in the “2 week wait” is always a bit of a limbo. There’s nothing more to do – we just have to wait for the pregnancy test.

I’m coping with this one less well than the last two times.

IVF Journey: Third IVF day 56

When the embryologist went to thaw out our embryo on Thursday, we lost one in the process.

This is normal – only 85% survive the thaw.  Blastocysts (five day old embryos) are relatively big and expanded groups of cells and ours were graded 4 and 5 which means they were plenty expanded.  When you freeze them the ice goes inside the cells, so when you thaw them you can have trouble getting all of the ice out.  They can crack, and become unviable.  That’s what happened to the first one of ours that they tried to thaw this time, so they discarded it.

I feel totally fine about having lost one.  I don’t consider it a baby and I don’t grieve for it, I’m not worried about having one fewer in the pot for next time.

IVF Journey: Third IVF day 53

“The odds are in my favour, man” (Don’t break the rules, Catch me if you can)

So at the moment I’m ‘Pregnant Until Proven Otherwise’ – that’s pretty cool. We had such a wonderful positive experience at the frozen embryo transfer yesterday that I have even been feeling quite hopeful. It was so good to have the embryologist say that in her professional opinion it is unlucky that we’ve not succeeded with the IVF yet and that it is very likely that we’ll see success soon. This time, hopefully.

I used to know about statistics. I have an A Level in Maths and an AS Level in Further Maths. My job has a statistical component. But I’ve forgotten much of what I used to know and the stats around this IVF stuff are rather complex.