Archives for posts with tag: Infertility

2014-02-20

I’ve just noticed that on 13th February 2013 I started the drugs for my first go at IVF… and on 13th February 2014 I had my 20 week scan which confirmed I was expecting a healthy baby boy.

I like patterns like that.

This hasn’t been the quick way round of getting a baby and three goes at IVF is more than I hoped I’d need to do.

But I guess in the big scheme of infertility that’s substantial progress in a year.

2013-12-30

I’ve had a significant improvement over the last few days, and am now eating a fairly normal amount of food. I think I’m less tired, which means I can cope with the nausea better and the nausea is generally less severe. This meant Christmas went OK, better than I expected. I tried not taking the pills one morning, but it turns out I do still need those.

Despite the improvement I still don’t feel brilliant, still not normal, which is hugely frustrating. Yesterday I did three activities (lunch out, short walk, grocery shopping – great!) but then was wiped out and went to bed at 9.30pm. This remains genuinely depressing, I’m finding it hard to cope mentally with remaining so far from normal life for so long.

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2013-12-23

During my years trying to conceive and doing IVF, it became increasingly difficult to find out that friends were pregnant.  Facebook was a particular issue, with unexpected 12 week scan photos and birth announcements popping up and slapping me in the face.  I eventually identified that the problem was not the new baby in itself – I wanted a baby so I could understand why others were excited about getting a baby.  No, it was the element of surprise.  The fact that I thought these women were the same as me (i.e. not pregnant) and it turns out they weren’t.  Instead, for two to eight months they’d been pregnant and not said.  I get that, I get why people don’t say until they are sure or feel ready to share.  But finding out someone had crossed over to the dark side was always a painful reminder that I hadn’t and couldn’t.  And the thought of them having held the beautiful and glorious secret for a number of months just made the news ten times harder to hear. Read the rest of this entry »

2013-12-19

So the 12 week scan is tomorrow.  I’d like to be excited, but I’m not.  I’m nervous.  I’m scared all won’t be well.  I’m scared of a silent miscarriage, that there’s no baby in there.

However having had a scan at six weeks I do know that as soon as you see the thing you are looking for on-screen the feelings quickly go from terrified to delighted.  So let’s hope for more of that.

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2013-11-29

Get me, I’m outside.

Almost normal day at work. Some office work in the morning, then a meeting in town.

Because I woke up, and I could, and I wanted to, so I did.

I simply cannot believe the turnaround. I feel… super tired, but normal in my head. Now I have hope that I might be able to manage this.

So so so much relief.

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2013-11-21

A bit from the husband today:

Sitting in the hospital a week ago today I saw my baby on ultrasound for the first time, and watched a tiny heartbeat. I cried with happiness and relief. I wish I could have bottled that feeling!

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2013-11-10

Our friends have had a baby, so of course we wanted to buy him something cute to wear.  After a tour round old staples Boots and TK Maxx we were still gift-less, so we ventured into Mamas & Papas.

Eek.  That’s new.  Let me assure you that as an infertile this is a shop I avoided like the plague.

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2013-10-25

I was at a black tie dinner last night and due to little Kipling being within me I had to stay off the booze.  I got away with it for a bit drinking some pink juice they were handing out that looked like rose wine, but it because conspicuous when I refused ‘red or white’ at the table. My friend questioned me, and I revealed all to her.

So there’s progress, I didn’t mind talking about IVF to her and answering her questions.  She was so kind and protective of my feelings, and I was interested to note that I didn’t really need that.  These days I can be matter of fact about IVF.  I could also see in her eyes how awful she felt for me, and I realised that I didn’t feel as bad myself as she felt on my behalf.  That was a bit of a revelation!

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2013-10-24

The press was all over the birth – and now christening – of HRH Prince George, and of course they have it is big news in Britain and beyond.

I wondered how I’d be when it all came to pass.

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2013-09-19

Counselling has come around again.

On the whole I’m feeling normal – or maybe even good – so no desperate need for the counselling, but I do think it helps to keep me on track to have this specialist service each month.

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