2013-10-27Well this is new!

Wow.

My overwhelming feeling is ‘not disappointed’.  It doesn’t sound enough for such a momentous result, but I’m so used to disappointment and I was prepared for disappointment.  All I can feel is that I don’t need to feel what I was prepared for.  I’m not really sure what to replace that feeling with I’ve had it for so long.  I never thought this would be possible.  I’m surprised, and shocked, and relieved.  Wow.

I barely slept last night.  I wasn’t worrying, I wasn’t thinking about this, but I couldn’t stop thinking.  I got about three hours.  When I woke up around 8am it took me maybe a half hour to do the test.  I wanted to stay hopeful and I tried to doze a bit and stay in the safety of the not knowing limbo for a bit longer.  Then I got up, peed on the stick, and had a game of Candy Crush to occupy me for three minutes.  I won.  I hoped that was a good sign.  Maybe it was.  When I turned the test over it was positive, conclusively positive.

I took a photo on my phone – this photo – and text it to the husband.  Happily he was awake and text me back straight away.  It was amazing to be texting him with good news.  He was able to give me a ring and we had a quick chat.  Tentatively congratulatory.  Tentatively excited.

So then, back to a morning of watching TV, eating cake, and feeling knackered.  The same as usual – but different!

I’m taking a flight today, and when I checked in I selected an exit row seat.  The t&c popped up and asked me to agree to various terms and I couldn’t.  Because you can’t sit in the exit row if you’re pregnant.  That’s the point at which I thought ‘shit, I’m pregnant!!!!!!’  This is really happening.  And that is exciting.

So this is still to be confirmed by the blood test on Wednesday.  This still might not work out at any point in the next eight months.

But this is massive, this is further than we’ve ever got before, this makes us feel that maybe we will be able to do this at some point.

Hopefully this point.

Wow.

We might be having a baby in July.

 

Wow.

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