Archives for posts with tag: Bad things about infertility

2013-12-30

I’ve had a significant improvement over the last few days, and am now eating a fairly normal amount of food. I think I’m less tired, which means I can cope with the nausea better and the nausea is generally less severe. This meant Christmas went OK, better than I expected. I tried not taking the pills one morning, but it turns out I do still need those.

Despite the improvement I still don’t feel brilliant, still not normal, which is hugely frustrating. Yesterday I did three activities (lunch out, short walk, grocery shopping – great!) but then was wiped out and went to bed at 9.30pm. This remains genuinely depressing, I’m finding it hard to cope mentally with remaining so far from normal life for so long.

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2013-12-23

During my years trying to conceive and doing IVF, it became increasingly difficult to find out that friends were pregnant.  Facebook was a particular issue, with unexpected 12 week scan photos and birth announcements popping up and slapping me in the face.  I eventually identified that the problem was not the new baby in itself – I wanted a baby so I could understand why others were excited about getting a baby.  No, it was the element of surprise.  The fact that I thought these women were the same as me (i.e. not pregnant) and it turns out they weren’t.  Instead, for two to eight months they’d been pregnant and not said.  I get that, I get why people don’t say until they are sure or feel ready to share.  But finding out someone had crossed over to the dark side was always a painful reminder that I hadn’t and couldn’t.  And the thought of them having held the beautiful and glorious secret for a number of months just made the news ten times harder to hear. Read the rest of this entry »

2013-12-19

So the 12 week scan is tomorrow.  I’d like to be excited, but I’m not.  I’m nervous.  I’m scared all won’t be well.  I’m scared of a silent miscarriage, that there’s no baby in there.

However having had a scan at six weeks I do know that as soon as you see the thing you are looking for on-screen the feelings quickly go from terrified to delighted.  So let’s hope for more of that.

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2013-12-16

So I think these new prochlorperazine drugs are the ones, I do feel better on these than anything else so far.

They are an interesting drug – you can take them for dizziness (up to 30mg/day), nausea (up to 30mg/day), anxiety (up to 40mg/day) and schizophrenia (up to 100mg/day).

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2013-12-10

The first midwife appointment was today.  The husband and I dithered a bit over whether he should come.  I asked two friends for advice.  One said he should come to show he is supportive, to meet the midwife, and to give his medical history.  One said he shouldn’t bother as it is a long appointment which he will be barely involved with.  We went with yes, to show willing and because I have been so ill that he wants to be more involved with my care than usual.

So well, it was OK.  I liked the midwife enough, she seemed very nice.  But the appointment was confusing and it is a good job I already knew what to expect and how the system works because all of that wasn’t explained.  She didn’t even explain what a midwife was and what her role would be, for example.

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2013-11-29

Get me, I’m outside.

Almost normal day at work. Some office work in the morning, then a meeting in town.

Because I woke up, and I could, and I wanted to, so I did.

I simply cannot believe the turnaround. I feel… super tired, but normal in my head. Now I have hope that I might be able to manage this.

So so so much relief.

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2013-11-21

A bit from the husband today:

Sitting in the hospital a week ago today I saw my baby on ultrasound for the first time, and watched a tiny heartbeat. I cried with happiness and relief. I wish I could have bottled that feeling!

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2013-11-20

I must say the antihistamine drugs have made a big difference and I now feel less sick.  A manageable amount of sick.  But very veeeeeeeeeeeeery tired.  I even had a nap on Monday afternoon.  That never happens.  I gave myself Monday and Tuesday off work and spent them in bed.  Today I have done a few hours in the office, and tried walking round the block.  Went OK.

I want to emphasise that this is rough though, and continues to be rough.  I hate it.  But it is worth it and I am determined to do my best to incubate Kipling as well as I can.

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2013-11-10

Our friends have had a baby, so of course we wanted to buy him something cute to wear.  After a tour round old staples Boots and TK Maxx we were still gift-less, so we ventured into Mamas & Papas.

Eek.  That’s new.  Let me assure you that as an infertile this is a shop I avoided like the plague.

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2013-10-22

The husband had some more things to say today…

Being in the “2 week wait” is always a bit of a limbo. There’s nothing more to do – we just have to wait for the pregnancy test.

I’m coping with this one less well than the last two times.

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