Archives for the month of: November, 2013


Get me, I’m outside.

Almost normal day at work. Some office work in the morning, then a meeting in town.

Because I woke up, and I could, and I wanted to, so I did.

I simply cannot believe the turnaround. I feel… super tired, but normal in my head. Now I have hope that I might be able to manage this.

So so so much relief.

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Continued to feel crappy throughout our holidays in Argyll, though that was fine and expected – might as well feel crappy in nice hotels and driving about pleasant surroundings. Exhausting though, even though I barely stood up the whole time. Home on Tuesday and spent Wednesday in bed recovering from doing nothing on holiday. Had hoped to do a bit of work or go round to the corner shop or something… but just didn’t have the energy or inclination. Everything felt very overwhelming. Was barely able to hold a conversation, certainly couldn’t think in any meaningful way.

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So the husband and I decided to take a couple of nights away in fancy hotels (thanks daily deals sites!) because I felt a bit less sick and could manage a quiet road trip.  Off we headed towards deepest darkest Scotland.

At lunchtime we reached the edge of deepest darkest Scotland and stopped for lunch at a Loch-side pub.  I’m still off food, but chose potato skins and when they came I ate them.

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A bit from the husband today:

Sitting in the hospital a week ago today I saw my baby on ultrasound for the first time, and watched a tiny heartbeat. I cried with happiness and relief. I wish I could have bottled that feeling!

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I must say the antihistamine drugs have made a big difference and I now feel less sick.  A manageable amount of sick.  But very veeeeeeeeeeeeery tired.  I even had a nap on Monday afternoon.  That never happens.  I gave myself Monday and Tuesday off work and spent them in bed.  Today I have done a few hours in the office, and tried walking round the block.  Went OK.

I want to emphasise that this is rough though, and continues to be rough.  I hate it.  But it is worth it and I am determined to do my best to incubate Kipling as well as I can.

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Let’s talk about morning sickness.


I feel bloody awful.

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So the husband and I are now released from the IVF clinic and are to be integrated with the fertiles in the Scottish maternity system.

When we left the clinic yesterday we were given a letter for my GP to confirm the successful IVF and we dropped this in to the surgery on our way home.  We were also given a number to call to book in with midwife services.

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My Dad’s funeral was yesterday.  It went well.

So we’re back in Edinburgh and the husband gave the clinic a ring today to see when they could scan me up.  They very kindly fit us in today.

I was nervous, really nervous.  I knew if it was good news that would be much needed, but if it was bad news that would be game over and I could do without that right now.

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Our friends have had a baby, so of course we wanted to buy him something cute to wear.  After a tour round old staples Boots and TK Maxx we were still gift-less, so we ventured into Mamas & Papas.

Eek.  That’s new.  Let me assure you that as an infertile this is a shop I avoided like the plague.

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A bit of a scary moment last night around 9.30pm, though hopefully a scary moment is all it was.

Went to the toilet, and found I’d bled. I wasn’t ‘bleeding’ though – it had come out of me, but no more was coming. I hadn’t felt it come out, and hadn’t noticed feeling physically different. But there it was. It was a brownish colour, and perhaps a stain the size of a tea light. Bigger than ‘spotting’ but smaller than a period. But I was worried, I thought that was probably the start of a deluge and that the pregnancy was over. I didn’t freak out, I didn’t tell my mum (still at her house), I just thought ‘huh, that’s shitty’. But later I phoned the husband and we were both a bit sad about it. We did some internet research and there was plenty stories out there about pregnant women (IVF and otherwise) that bled bucketsful and things turned out to be fine. This gave us some hope… but… urgh.

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