2013-10-26

If it wasn’t a Saturday I could take a blood test today to find out if I’m pregnant. This is the equivalent day to a woman’s period being due, the day a normally fertile woman might suspect she was pregnant and take a test.

As the clinic is shut at the weekend I can’t do the blood test until next working week, but I can take a home pregnancy test. I decided to take it tomorrow. I quite like not knowing, to be honest. Just now I can hope that this cycle might work. So I’ve no problem leaving longer than technically I could.

Saying that I’m less hopeful today. Not based on anything really, no changes in circumstances. Probably just subconsciously preparing myself for the worst.

I spent the day watching TV and painting my nails, then I went bowling with friends and back for takeaway and chat. I managed to keep my mind off IVF. Which means that overall the two week wait has gone very well.

We’re at the end of the two week wait now.

So I’ve bought a pregnancy test today. I’ll use it in the morning.

A positive would be great. Fingers crossed.

I hope that I’ll be able to manage the news of a negative again if I have to. At this point I think we’ll go again after Christmas if it doesn’t work out this time, but that would be all to be discussed when the dust has settled.

The husband is away this weekend on a special dive trip that he booked many many months ago. I had hopes I might go too but that hasn’t worked out with this cycle. But he’s still gone. I’m alright by myself, doing this by myself, so it would be a shame for him to miss the big trip. But it means we’ll have to correspond by text around the results. That’ll be weird. OK for me, I think, but perhaps harder for him depending on the result.

Now… sleep, I hope. Tomorrow life changes, or stays the same.

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