2014-05-18

From the husband:

Thank you for all your lovely and supportive comments for my wife. I really appreciate that so many of you are following her journey and supporting her.

Some of you have, quite rightly, suggested that she might need some sort of support. Those of you who have been following her story for a while will probably know that she’s very aware of her own wellbeing needs and has made arrangements for counselling throughout the IVF process and pregnancy so she has someone to talk to – at least at critical points.

It is somewhat ironic that being admitted to hospital has both placed her under greater stress, and deprived her of her usual counselling arrangements. 

Of course, both my wife and I are trying to make sure she gets the support she needs – we make a good team I think, and she is very brave about asking for what she needs. In fact, we’ve been asking for counselling for more than two weeks now.

The midwives are kind and supportive, but the specific team they have called in to help (we’re still not clear what their official title is!) has not been very helpful. They have suggested that my wife get out of her room more, and makes positive plans for her day. Usually these would be great recommendations for someone who is depressed, but they rather ignore the practicalities of her situation. She is too exhausted to get out much, and any plans she makes tend to fall by the wayside either due to the need to sleep or the constant medical stuff that drives her routine at the moment – monitoring, scans, blood pressure checks etc. Their other suggestion – using the online tool – is something she has tried before and does not find helpful (and having looked at it myself, doesn’t really have answers for someone stuck in hospital with little control over their environment or schedule).

She has always found counselling highly effective in the past, but the hospital seems to have NO capability to provide this even when pressed.

Fortunately we have (FINALLY – after two weeks) been able to make our own arrangements – after we created a bit of a fuss. The hospital has decided that she can be allowed out once a week to see the counsellor she was seeing before she was admitted. I think it’s pretty poor that the hospital can’t provide the service, but at least she will be seeing someone she knows and getting some continuity. Hopefully that will help her deal with everything she’s going through a bit more easily. I have my fingers crossed.

She is having a really, really difficult time. Sometimes it gets on top of her, but every time I see her we manage to enjoy a good chat and a game of Yahtzee (or three!). She really is magnificent – I don’t know how she is coping as well as she is. I would have been reduced to a gibbering wreck by now…

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