Yesterday I saw my new counsellor for the first time, and had a very positive first appointment. There was a bit of going over old ground due to not having met her before, but she seemed to get me and the issue. Some interesting stuff in there about being given ‘permission to be ill’ in that because it has been so hard to be taken seriously and because I have not needed to be signed off work due to being self-employed there is no-one giving me ‘permission’. My illness has become all my responsibility. Which makes me feel unsafe. Plus as it has been such a struggle to get anywhere I have lost confidence in my ability to judge whether I am ill or not and I either worry I might be making it up or blame myself for not explaining things well enough. Plenty of stuff to be mulling over, and more next week.

The husband and I had an extremely positive and successful visit to the midwife today. It was a new midwife, and she was very pleasant and professional. I will be seeing her from now on.

We had a chat about my nausea, and the midwife explained that there were various kinds of drugs available and still more to try if necessary, particularly as I was now in the second trimester. She said she felt I should see an obstetrician to discuss my options and she would make sure this was in the next couple of weeks. I felt listened to, and she showed an appropriate amount of concern for my wellbeing and lack of income. We talked about food and eating, and the midwife said that my blood tests showed I was healthy so that is all good for me and the baby.

The midwife dipped my urine, then took my blood pressure which came out high the first time but OK the second time. She said in the circumstances she’d like to have a Consultant check this at some point to make sure it was just appearing high rather than being actually high. Fair enough, I want them to be on top of pre-eclampsia too especially as my Mum had it.

The midwife then felt my belly and said my uterus was the size of a grapefruit which she said was ‘appropriate growth’ and she used a monitor to listen to the baby’s heartbeat. The heart rate was 155 which the midwife said was fine, and it was really cool to hear it. I don’t really look pregnant yet so it made things feel real, a reminder there is a baby in there.

The midwife then asked if I’d like to see her for an extra appointment to keep an eye on me as I had been so ill, so we arranged one for in two weeks’ time. I thought that was good, showed she was taking me seriously. She said she hoped I’d have seen the obstetrician by then.

Interestingly, it seems I have already been referred to the obstetrician by my last midwife for pregnancy ‘complications’ which are my laparoscopic cholecystectomy in 2006 (keyhole gallbladder removal) and IVF. Honestly I’d be surprised if the obstetrician had any interest in these, they don’t feel in the slightest bit relevant to my pregnancy but what do I know? So now I am seeing the obstetrician for these two things plus the nausea and the blood pressure.

Following the appointment we felt so much more confidence in the system, like I was being looked after by someone that would listen to me and co-ordinate all of the various aspects of my care.

I feel much better about all this now, although I have this nagging feeling that it should have come two months earlier…