Counselling has come around again.

On the whole I’m feeling normal – or maybe even good – so no desperate need for the counselling, but I do think it helps to keep me on track to have this specialist service each month.

We talked about a few things.  How I feel, how I feel about other people being pregnant and having babies, how four years of infertility has given me time to prepare for pregnancy.

For example, how it turns out I actually know a lot more about how it all works medically and practically (in theory at least) than plenty pregnant people I have talked to.  When you are likely to experience what, morning sickness and its relief, what you are allowed to eat/drink and not eat/drink, how to prevent stretch marks, NCT classes, pregnancy yoga, birth plans, pain management options for labour.  In what circumstances you can and cannot give birth in the various hospitals and wards of the Lothians.  Necessary aftercare following childbirth.  Contraception options following childbirth and how the NHS communicate this.  Yeah.  I could go on.  What can I say – people tell me stuff.  Sometimes in graphic detail.

We also talked about body image (at the instigation of the counsellor) and that was interesting.  Mainly interesting in what her line of questioning says about both me and other people.  It went like this:

  • Counsellor: How do you feel about your body?
  • Me: Good, actually I’ve probably never felt better about my body.
  • Counsellor: Can you look at yourself naked in a mirror?
  • Me: Yes
  • Counsellor: Are you happy to let your husband look at you naked?
  • Me: Yes
  • Counsellor: Oh

Actually the issue around body image will not be either IVF or pregnancy, it is the unknown of how my body would cope following the pregnancy/birth process.  What would I look like after?  Would I still feel so good about myself after?  Maybe, maybe not.  I don’t think I can know that so I’m not going to waste too much time on it when I don’t even know if I’ll ever get pregnant!  Cross that bridge when I come to it.