2013-08-29

So far, every time I have started IVF I have got a cold. Yes, third time and I have a cold now.

I’ve found in the past that I’ve always got sick at the start of my holidays, like I’ve chilled out and let my guard down and the sickness creeps in. I’m nearly always sick at Christmas.

Contrary to most people’s expectations I imagine, I think IVF is the same for me. It is a massive relief to get started on it. I’m terrible at waiting and it feels great not to be waiting anymore. Even this time when the waiting was limited and it went alright, it is still nice to see some action. So, yeah, obviously that means sickness has crept in.

Problem is on IVF the only drug I’m allowed to take is paracetamol. The paracetamol takes the edge off it, but I still feel slow and groggy and snotty and horrible. I’m working today, but I’m working from my bed. I have tissue stuffed up my nose. Urgh, I feel rancid. And that being the case it is very hard to feel positive about anything. All I can see in my future is IVF drugs, and waiting, and all the situations that IVF complicates and all things that IVF means I can’t do. And snot.

On the plus side feeling like this makes me realise how well I am usually holding it together. It is absolutely not conscious, but I have got myself in a routine of getting on with it. On the minus side, well I don’t really feel like I’m holding it together when I feel like this. I don’t have the mental capacity for it.

I’m going to try and ignore the crappiness by being easy on myself, and hope it blows over soon.

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