Something I forgot to say is that I didn’t bring the husband along to the frozen embryo transfer. He didn’t come the first time either. He was welcome, and the nurse had put scrubs out for him, but neither of us was that bothered either way about him coming.

Does that sound cold?

It’s just that the embryo transfer is quite a functional and brief thing to do.

This isn’t the conception of our child (that was done in a test tube three months ago) and there’s really nothing to see during the procedure. I wasn’t going to be in pain, I didn’t need the moral support, and I’m quite happy to make my own way to the appointments.

Plus it was 15 minutes (plus fannying about time) in the middle of the day, out of town, with not much notice – but it would take at least an hour of travelling time at either end. That wasn’t in the slightest bit handy for the husband’s work, and as we’re both self employed there’s no sense in both of us losing half a day of income over it.

I do want the husband to feel involved, and he’s keen to be involved, but really… there was no particular benefit to him coming along. So he didn’t.

Actually maybe I should tell you that the husband has not been to any of the IVF appointments except the egg retrieval (which he was required for to provide a cupful of man-juice and take me home after I was sedated) and the ‘discussion’ type appointments with infertility consultants. For the same reasons as above – it is seriously time consuming, and very functional. All of the scans and tests (7 appointments last time and 5 this time) I have been to alone. I’m not bothered, I’m quite independent that way, it is probably my preference.

At my clinic as far as I can see most of the women come alone, or in some cases the guys come with them but stay in the waiting room. I think partners would be welcome, but I don’t think it crosses the IVF clinic staff’s mind to encourage it. For them it is all about treating infertility in the woman, and running a well oiled machine. They have presented it as female-centric and functional. And we’ve absorbed that.

I don’t know if this is good, or normal, or cold, or excluding, or what.