2013-06-05

Don’t you think it’s rather funny, 
I should be in this position. 
I’m the one who’s always been 
So calm, so cool, no lover’s fool, 
Running every show… (I don’t know how to love him, Jesus Christ Superstar)
 

At school I was a good all rounder, I could have gone in quite a few directions. But instead I’ve gone down a certain route in my life with my A-Levels and degree and career, as most people do. I’ve been successful in what I have done but I’m not going to be a scientist, or a swimmer, or a musician, or an artist. I’m not going to go to Oxbridge, and I’ll (probably) never do a PhD. Maybe I could have done those things.

This is something that has played on my mind over the years. Have I missed opportunities? Have I wasted my potential? I’ve made my peace with that. It’s not like I’ve done nothing – in fact I’ve done plenty – but I’ve just had to narrow the field. I now realise that you can’t do everything and I’m happy with where things have ended up.

Well maybe having a baby is like that. Maybe I won’t end up doing something I thought I could, and maybe eventually I’ll be able to make my peace with that. 

I suppose the difference is that I’ve never tried and failed before.

But I’m going to give it my best shot.

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