You might recall that I have been lucky enough to get free specialist fertility counselling at the IVF clinic, and that they are really flexible about how the service is used.

I last went along a week or so after our failed IVF, and then made an appointment for four weeks later. Which was today! Actually time has flown, which is great. 

As I said the other day the blah had just descended, so it was perfect timing. I had a good vent about my blah and felt much better for it.

I realised during the session that I probably feel infertile because this month we’ve been able to have a natural go at conception (did you know we’d done that dear husband? Hehe!) so it is likely that is what has made me feel all infertile again, like the 40 or so previous unsuccessful goes I have had at natural conception.

We also spoke about the ‘gate’ between pregnant and not pregnant. What it is like to see your friends cross through the gate and what it is like to think people are on the same side of the gate as you but later to find out that they had stealthily crossed through the gate without telling you.

I made another appointment with the counsellor for the start of June which I think will be between me registering me for my frozen embryo transfer and me starting the IVF drugs, so may be a time that I’d welcome a bit of support.

A very darkly funny thing happened today, which I will not blip about just now but I may update you on down the line…