2013-03-24

So I’m in the bit now where we just have to sit and wait and see if I am pregnant. There’s nothing to be done other than take these progesterone pessaries and then go in for a blood test on Wednesday. The wait is interminable. After so long of having lots of things to do to (injections, appointments, scans) it is uncomfortable doing nothing. It is just in the back of my mind all of the time. I’m not stressed as such, just more I want it to be over with. I think as Wednesday gets nearer it’ll get harder. At this point I’m worried that every time I go to the toilet I will find my period has started – but as long as it hasn’t, that’s a good sign.

I’m becoming a bit paranoid too. When I had my embryo transfer the nurse said just to get on with my life, but I know that in some clinics they want you to rest up for days and to avoid doing various things. I had a nice relaxing bubble bath the other day, then afterwards I started worrying… should I have had a bath? Can the heat kill my embryo? Can a lush bath bomb poison my embryo? I looked on the internet and there was a lot of chat about the various things to avoid, and plenty of people said no baths. Although plenty of others said just get on with things, people who conceive naturally do!

When I went to one of my first appointments with the infertility doctor a couple of years back, he said that it was a good idea to stay off the internet when it comes to infertility stuff.

He was so right.

Anything you type into google comes up with a squillion chatrooms and forums containing desperate women discussing the minutia of their IVF. I know that some people will find this supportive – they must or they wouldn’t go on there – but for me it was terrifying. Because it is all about comparing yourself to others and this makes you feel bad.

I didn’t mean to, I tried to stop myself, but I couldn’t resist the temptation.

My problem is I have questions, I like to quantify stuff, and I never think of said questions when the doctor is actually there with me.

So things like ‘what is the usual range for follicle size / hormone levels / eggs retrieved / length of time on drugs / drug dosage/etc. etc….?’ I found I was getting results, then later thinking ‘Ooh I wonder if that is good?’. Yes, every time.

And there are few sources of good quality information on this stuff out there – medical stuff written in lay language. And those that are there come up on like page six of your google search.

So I looked at the chatrooms. Every time. And it freaked me out. Every time.

Gah.

Because all you see is women who have had the same result as you freaking out, or women who have had a better result than you freaking out, or women who have had the same result as you having her IVF cancelled at some point or failing to conceive. Ever.

Or women warning against doing the things you have being doing such as going to work or having a bath or climbing the stairs, because they did these things and they never got pregnant.

Oh it is so bad.

When I read one of these did I think logically and tell myself ‘She may have numerous factors which make her a less good prospect for IVF treatment than you’? No. I just compared myself to her and started to get anxious.

The other things about these forums is they are full of all of these acronyms and new words for stuff, so cliquey and weird. Here’s some of relevance to my current situation:

ET = Embryo transfer

Embies = Embryos

Frosties = Frozen embryos

2ww = Two week wait (between embryo transfer and pregnancy test)

AF = your period (Auntie Flo)PUPO = Pregnant until proven otherwise

6dp5dt = Six days post five day transfer (!)

Creepy.

I have to try and keep away from this stuff. Trust the doctors. If they say it’s fine, just go with it. What will be will be.

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